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Myth 26

A title I dinny even need to explain.

We’re actually talking about investing in oil fields weeks after the ‘planet-saving’ conference. A scarily predictable outcome.

Naebody could’ve predicted Putin goin kenco on Ukraine or that right… but there’s an even scarier b*stard which isny too far away either. Round the corner, actually. And there will be plenty mare killed off when it hits us: the climate emergency.

See when folk go on about the end of humanity n all that wi the climate crises… they’re no just tryna put the fear ae death in us for the sake ae the tree huggers and a few dolphins. They’re being deadly serious. There’s no gonnae be homes to heat or families to be saved… we’re all humped going at the rate we are.

Putin will eventually lose this war but the cost to humanity, especially to those over there fighting the big Russian dingal, will be huge… but WAKEY WAKEY. That’s no the only problem we’ve got.

Have we just aw forgot about the conversations we were havin a few weeks back? Course the decision-makers haveny. Half of them turned up in private jets n that. I’m no havin this ‘bout time we all got the gether’ nonsense. Technology these days is raj. How were we ever meant to take that seriously when aw these powerful, rich folk were flying in, going to private dinners n that talkin about how they can be less wasteful. You couldny write that kindae comedy. That’s like campaigning for animal rights from yer hospitality suite at Cheltenham.

And do yous no think tattie heid hasny thought this through? Do yous no think he’s thought look at aw the oil and gas we’re producing… a bet the spineless, panic-prone West will end up scrambling back to their old ways as soon as the going got tough. Unbelievably, we’ve actually gone here’s an idea… let’s tap on the Saudi’s door, see if they’ll sort us out for the meantime. A mob, by the way, who are torturing folk on the daily.

Unless we were just geein it the patter at Cop 26 then I don’t understand the logic behind investing in new pipelines for oil and gas. Not only does it take years to see actual benefit, it just seems like a crazy suggestion in the context of emergency we find ourselves in.

And, hence, Myth 26.

So what is the patter then?

Well, here’s some maths for you that you dinnae need yer standard grade to understand…

(Oil companies are making billions upon billions of profits each year whilst no paying their fair share in taxes.)


(The oil industry is destroying the world as we know it.)


(Families in Britain canny pay their bills the now. Hundreds of thousands, as things stand, are set to go into absolute poverty.)

Surely, SURELY = take dosh off the former and help out the latter? Both Germany and France are doing exactly that.

I’ve heard some politicians goin aye… but is it no Shell n that investing most in renewable energy projects?

I would’ve thought so!! The industry they’re in just now is only sustainable if those in governing positions let it be. The reason they’re investing in renewable energy is because of the way everyone said we were headin a few weeks back at Myth 26. They’re no doing it out the goodness ae their heart. Some oil-rich fat cat in a suit gawn aww poor planet. Och best gee something back there… we’ve done enough damage actually aye. Gawn sign the UK governments a wee cheque saying we’ll help them out wi whatever endeavours they’re needing.


That same person is lookin at Shetland the now goin… fancy a bittae Cambo oil up there by way. That’ll make us a few quid. It’s no like governments are putting pressure on us to do otherwise. F**k it. Few tree huggers fae the north of Scotland wi a wee poster in our way. Sorted. Crack on boys.

But naw, let's pander to them cos ooooh… they might take a few quid off us for future projects though??

I feel like grabbin whoever shudders it is and gawn what planet are you living on? There will be nae future projects. The longer we haud onto oil and gas, the longer it’s still a problem. I dinnae get it man.

Households across Britain are taking the biggest hit to their incomes since there was rationing after the Second World War. Let that sit for a minute.

Folk are saying aw but we need to keep our lights on and cookers running whilst we’re in transition… people areny gonna have the money to turn their lights on at this rate anyway!

The only way we dinnae go round in circles is by cutting ties wi the oil industry as quickly as practically possible.

A bet you any money in a few months, when we’re sittin cookin mornin eggs aff the pavement outside in the 35-degree heat cos you canny afford to put yer cooker on inside, we’ll be lookin back to the now hinkin how stupit was that forgetting about the climate emergency for a moment there.


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