top of page

Not-so cooncil elections

Ken that perplexed feeling of excitement, anxiety, anticipation, fear, passion, apprehension and mibbe hope anaw?

The one you get when yer in the queue for the Pepsi Max but you’re fighting a whitey fae aw the beers you hud til raj o'clock the night before.

The one when yer about to go into a job interview you heavy care about. Or the one you get before meeting a lassie you fancy rotten but you’ve only seen 6 pictures on her online profile… worrying she could be a pervert in disguise or a serial killer.

Or even the moment before you’re hitting up a road trip… but yer gettin in a pal’s car who you ken is a total bampot. Waiting on the weekend of yer life but also getting this mingin feeling that you won’t make it past Carlisle… because yer ADHD-ridden pal wi a sleep problem who once keeked on a lassie’s erm for a sexual dunt is driving.

Maybe I’m exaggerating, but this is the feeling there or thereabouts I’ve got leading up to the local council elections.

Swear doon… this could be the most important in Scotland’s history. They’re dinnae seem that council this time round.

There’s just that much heat on politics the now… every moment, every word said, every decision feels like a pure life or death scenario.

Why? Well first off, the never-ending nightmare continues. A virus spreads throughout the planet; killing millions, there’s war in Eastern Europe and, in the 6th richest country in the world, folk canny pay their bills. Sounds cliché but everyhins humped.

There’s also a ‘who’s side are you on’ feel about politics in Britain the now. You’re either wi the party-going liars or soft-touch Starmer who couldny hit a barn door wi a banjo. You’re either wi that wee power-hungry dictator whose dosh count doesny add up or the union-loving, queen-rimming huns.

(All patter, I should add, before I get a lawsuit fae the snowflakes who obviously never went through years of being called fat heid and, back in the day, just had to take it in their stride)

…so why is it so important?

- If England votes Conservative, we now ken what we’re signing up for.

When we spoke to Willie Rennie on the Untribal Podcast, he told us that those not wanting a ‘Boris Brexit Britain’ have an easier fight within the UK. Wi all the “hassle” and “complications” that come wi independence & coupled wi the fact it brings near certainty to Tory governments in England which we’d have to deal wi anyway as our closest neighbours, he thinks you’ve got an easier battle in the status quo.

That being said, after aw the carry on in Westminster over the past few months… if our English neighbours pick Conservative again then you’ve got a pretty decent guess as to how our future will pan out in the Union. That’s what the supporters of independence are clinging to… the core argument of democracy & getting the governments you vote for that makes their case so strong.

- A must-win for Labour

Put simply… if not now, when?

Labour has taken a bit of a doing over the past decade or so UK wide. The SNP are dominating north of the border and their fierce rival Conservatives are doing the same down south.

They’ve gone through a bit of an identity crisis, losing a lot of votes in Scotland due to their involvement in wars such as Iraq.

…but they’ve now got an open goal. The Scottish Government have wasted hundreds of millions of taxpayers' money on ferrygate and the mishandling of complaints by Alex Salmond… Boris Johnson’s Conservatives have lied their way through aw the parties gawn on in Downing Street whilst the public was locked down, leading to calls for him to resign by even his party leaders such as Douglas Ross.

I’ll repeat… if not now, when will Labour ever get a break ae the baw?

- Are Douglas Ross' Conservatives the real deal?

Scottish Conservatives have placed a lot of emphasis on being the only ones to stand up to the SNP. They’ve mocked Labour in shaudy attempts to oppose them. They’ve painted Nicola Sturgeon as an authoritarian dictator whose power-hungry ego and blind will for independence are neglecting other issues. By relentlessly doing so, they’ve fought their way to the second place in Scotland… unthinkable 10 year ago.

If Scottish Conservatives come up strong in these elections… the proof is in the pudding. They’re throwing everything at the SNP and it’s working. The muck is beginning to stick.

- Are Westminster parallels working?

Speaking of, the ‘us v them’ rhetoric is an obvious tactic used by the Scottish Conservatives to re-create an environment they’ve thrived in for a long time.

The Scottish Parliament was meant to be grounded in openness and collaboration, yet this new brand of tribalism is a deliberate attempt to replicate a Conservative-dominated Westminster. Politics in Scotland is taking a u-turn.

This backwards set-up of hostile opposition, putting politics in black-and-white, cut-throat left and right has, by and large, worked wonders for the blues down south. It was absolutely necessary because they were naebodys in Scotland not that long ago… most parties are on the so-called left end of the ideological spectrum. By recreating the playing field, feeding into a growing impatience with the SNP amongst a large chunk of the population, they’ve found themselves well ahead of Labour.

I’d imagine, also, Boris pictures a unified Britain in his vision of Brexit. A freer-thinking, left-leaning region up in the north doesny suit the remit. Britain is back and we all need to be on the same page.

- If the Indy parties score 45%, it’s probably telling.

A figure I probably won’t need to explain… but for those toiling it’s the percentage of votes the Scottish independence movement achieved in the last referendum.

We’ve been through a lot since then… Scots were famously promised a guaranteed EU membership if they voted No, for this only to be taken straight off us a few years later. It started a wave of new-found Yes enthusiasts and led to the majority of votes going towards pro-independence, referendum-promising parties in the last general election.

A lot has happened since then but… we’ve been through an unimaginable amount of chaos and stress right up and down the country.

Local council elections tend to entice only those voters that need no encouragement to get their erkie up to the polling station. But if the SNP and Greens areny hitting big numbers whilst Bo Jo’s leading the pantomime down south… this might be an indicator there’s no as much appetite for independence as they might have hoped.

Anyways… goan get out and vote. Ken you’ve heard this ‘folk died for the vote’ spiel fae yer ma but it is actually true. It’s no one of these myths they telt ye donkeys ago… like your deid dog isny actually deid, the wee fella just has to go live on a farm somewhere. Or carrots gee you mental Nightvision… or the boogie man will come and get ye in the night if you dinnae put yer seatbelt on. It actually happened.

Get off yer backside.


bottom of page