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There’s always one boy in the boozer eh. Few pints in and yer mate is yammerin absolute nonsense about this holiday he went on when he was younger, sayin ees pigs were wandering about the streets and you were pure feeding them marijuana cos it’s legal there. You can rip off a wee bit for yersel if you want anaw.

You: “Where was it you were again?”

Yer daft pal: “Eh, Spain mate. Aye, this wee toon in Spain can’t mind what it’s called.”

You: “You sure?”

Daft pal: “Aye mate swear down they were just cutting about pure melted n that was minteed hahahah.”

You:… “Aww right cos did we no learn about that at school… some raj country away near China or sutn.”

Daft pal: “Aw aye must be two then eh”

But there wasny two. It’s a place called Bhutan and ees plucked it out his Fife and Drum claiming it as his aen story. He was talking Drey Wright.

That’s no the boy I’m talkin about though. The boy I’m talkin about is the one ats like “I’ll google it!” With that nippy enthusiasm as if he’s big Chris Columbus about to set sea onto the Atlantic. You roll yer eyes and hink ‘Christ here we go.’ And the hing is he probably intervened at Spain, killing the chat deid like a noisy stomach rumble at the dinner table meeting yer missus’ parents.

This same begrudging feeling is the one I get when I hear the phrase ‘vaccine passports.’ It’s why I named this article the way I did so I wouldny deter you like a ticket to Michael Macintyre’s latest tour would.

We’ve got an update on Tuesday (23rd) on whether to extend their required checks should extend to places like the pub or the cinema.

Yer probably hinkin, deary me, when is this gonna end man?

A lot of people are taking a stand against taking away people’s liberties. You need to get this jab in your arm or you canny go to the football. Ats people’s livelihoods… not even threatening to take them away if you don’t comply, literally taking it away from you if yer not doing as your told. Seems shan when you put it like at eh. Imagine you were an auld geezer, scared of putting sutn like at inside of you and yer locked in the house unable to do anything because of it.

Or ere’s another example. Imagine you were away travelling, pre-pandemic. You’re in a strange country that you don’t know a huge amount about. Yer walkin up to the club and the bouncer goes, “here if you wanna come in, you need to inject this liquid into your arm. Trust, it’s government-run n that. Everyone does it.” You’d be running in the opposite direction tellin em to boost.

Some politicians have pointed out that it doesny even work. We’re trying to stop the spread of it so vulnerable people aren’t still dying or getting well ill. You could have a vaccine passport, pick up covid by grabbin sutn at the shops and then spread it all aer the place… but yer vaccinated so it’s sound? Doesny add up.

This is the way I see it… we’re in an altered lockdown. Cases are going up, the other day I saw 12 people had died within 24 hours. Another lockdown similar to what we went through last year wouldny work because there’s the loophole of folk no bothered and just going to each other’s houses n that anyway. They’ve essentially said to folk if you’re not gonna protect yourself from the serious dangers of covid… you canny go to public places. It’s only safe to go to a nightclub or a football match if you’re vaccinated. If everyone is wearing masks when they need to and people are protected then these places become (at least somewhat) safer. If yer not gonna comply… well then yer locked out of normal life (for now).

I’m not defending moves such as ees right… but see the folk calling the government ‘a bunch of dictators’… pack it in. Genuinely, wind yer neck in. Not only is it ludicrous to think that government officials are making these unpopular decisions purely to exercise power, but the job they’ve been daein over the past cuttla years is also very, very difficult. They’ll be sittin round a table, reading letters from members ae the public who’ve lost their loved ones, pleading to protect them. The amount of people calling for an ambulance because of life-threatening circumstances has literally doubled. The strain on the health service the now is absolutely mental. Next time you put Nicola Sturgeon in the same bracket as Stalin, please just have a think again at what you are actually saying.

And by way, this isny a Scottish thing. This is European-wide. In Austria they are literally sayin to you if you dinnae have a vaccine, you’re getting locked up. And there’s nae debate either, you’re being telt what’s what wi out question.

And the point is… this hasny ended. Imagine being a disabled person? Scared tae death that this virus is gonna catch you and kill you. Going on social media, seeing that you’re being treated as a second class citizen because people want the economy up and running as normal. Again, I’m no sayin we shouldn’t strike some sort of balance but these are scary times for some people.

I’m not defending the extension of vaccine passports. I’m saying to you whatever is announced on Tuesday, have a second think about what those in government are actually trying to dae here. And don’t get me wrong, if there are alternatives that will work better and keep us all happier… I really hope the opposition in Parliament have the baws to demand a rethink and have a genuine, progressive conversation about ways we can suit all corners of society.


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